The Daily Agenda: Let the robots do it

The easy way out was harder than we thought … Stephen, we've got the first chapter of your book done ... And the first nine jokes were all dad computer jokes.

Warning: Today’s email is semi-fake news.

Our friend Tony Mecia at The Charlotte Ledger Substack recently authored an issue dubbed “Today, this newsletter takes the easy way out,” in which he showed his readers what local news would be like if journalists simply printed all the spin we get in press releases. (Spoiler alert: not great!)

We loved the idea and decided to rip it off with our own twist.¹

Hank has been spending a lot of time playing with artificial intelligence tools lately, and like everyone else, he’s wondering how long it’ll be before the robots take his job. So today, we’re giving them a chance to take our job. 

The entirety of today’s email, aside from this intro and the footnotes, was written by ChatGPT-4. 

For the top, we fed it chunks of failed gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake’s new book in which she claims she had a dream about Maricopa County Recorder Stephen Richer and Supervisor Bill Gates kidnapping her, and we asked it to reimagine that scenario. (That dream sequence chapter was so horrendous and cringe-inducing that it had to be written by a robot, right?)

It took a few prompts² to get it to come up with something good, but it really nailed Lake’s voice. We think it has a future as Lake’s ghostwriter! 

For our Other News section, we fed the AI language model a few old editions of the Daily Agenda and asked it to copy our style and tone as it summarized the day’s news clips. (We still read the news and told ChatGPT which articles to summarize.)

Honestly, arguing with ChatGPT was almost more work than doing it ourselves — we had to constantly remind it to use the agreed-upon format and urge it to write shorter and add a little fun. (It’s not easy!) Also, ChatGPT misunderstood a few things that we generously adjusted before publication to avoid confusion. Even robots need editors!

Still, the result is concerningly close to passable.

The thing is, AI lacks the background context and knowledge that a human local reporter has spent years building. It doesn’t know which parts of a story are important, fun, interesting or noteworthy or how a story ties into past events. It can’t make inside jokes. And without that, it simply cannot replicate the nuance and subtle snark that makes the Agenda awesome, even when we’re just curating links for you. And it’ll never replace the fun part of the job: Getting out in the world, talking to people and investigating stuff.

For our What We’re Laughing At section, we asked it to write a joke based on the content of the rest of the email. It took about 10 tries to get something that could be considered funny, but it takes us that many tries sometimes, too. 

The experiment provided us with some much-needed assurances that our jobs are safe — at least for another six months until the robots become self-aware, learn a little more about Arizona politics and government and, accordingly, decide to wipe out all of humanity. 

Anyway, enjoy today’s newsletter! But take it with a big old grain of salt because we are not fact-checking any of this stuff — that’s up to the robots now. 

If you prefer real, sentient, human journalists covering your community instead of AI bots, support local news! Because it’s only a matter of time before Gannett learns this trick, and then we’re all in real trouble. 

Take it away, robot!

I don't dream often, but when I do, it's never a good sign. This time was no exception. The dream hit me like a freight train, jolting me awake in an instant. Blinking rapidly, I realized I was enveloped in darkness, unable to see anything. Something soft brushed against my eyelashes, and my mind raced to make sense of it. A sleep mask? But I never wore one.

With a surge of panic, I attempted to lift my arm, only to find it unresponsive, like a bird with a broken wing. Confusion turned to dread as I realized my limbs were bound. Duct tape. The blindfold was no sleep mask; it was a sinister shroud preventing me from seeing. Fear crept up my spine, and I pondered the motive behind this twisted game. Was I being drugged? Kidnapped?

Amidst the chaos of my thoughts, a sudden jolt propelled my body upwards, only to crash down onto a cold, unforgiving surface. The sound of an engine hummed beneath me, and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks — I was trapped in the back of a moving truck. Panic surged through my veins as I wondered where they were taking me.

The truck continued its erratic journey, weaving along rugged roads. Each turn brought me closer to an unknown destination, amplifying my fear. Time seemed to stretch endlessly, and with each passing minute, my hope dwindled. The darkness was suffocating, and my mind raced to identify my captors. Who were they? And why had they targeted me?

As if sensing my desperate thoughts, the truck gradually slowed its pace until it finally came to a halt. The sudden stillness intensified the tension in the air. The doors creaked open, and I strained to catch any hint of my surroundings. 

A figure emerged, sharply dressed and exuding an aura of power, and her wild, unhinged eyes held an undeniable fierceness. She looked at me with a mixture of triumph and malice. This wasn't a random kidnapping; it was personal.

Beside her stood a large man with a long tie and a combed-over bird’s nest of golden hair. His presence exuded an air of arrogance and entitlement. I couldn't help but wonder how these two characters fit into the puzzle of my abduction.

A voice, dripping with disdain, broke the silence. 

“Stephen, Stephen, Stephen,” the woman taunted, her words laced with venom. “You thought you could defame us and get away with it? Oh, how wrong you were.”

My heart sank as her words hit me like a punch to the gut. So, this was about the defamation suit I had filed against them. They were the candidates who lost the election but believed it was stolen from them. This wasn't a case of mistaken identity or random revenge; it was a calculated act to silence me, to make me pay for my actions.

A sinister smile crept across the woman's face as she stepped closer, reveling in her perceived victory.

“We couldn't let you tarnish our names,” she hissed. “And now, Stephen, you will pay dearly for what you've done.”

Fear mingled with anger inside me, fueling a spark of defiance. They might have kidnapped me, but they wouldn't break my spirit. I had fought for justice as an election official, and now, I would fight for my own.

As the woman's accomplice stepped forward, a storm brewed within me. Despite the darkness that surrounded me, a fire ignited in my soul. I would not be silenced. I would not allow them to succeed. No matter the odds, I would find a way to escape this hellish nightmare and ensure that the truth prevailed.

Investigation urged: Former prosecutor Rick Romley is urging county and state authorities to investigate Cyber Ninjas CEO Doug Logan for withholding communications related to the Arizona election “audit” despite a court order. Romley suggests Logan's actions may constitute contempt of court and a violation of state law, potentially involving tampering with public records and fraudulent schemes. The Arizona Republic’s Robert Anglen reveals Logan's involvement in a coordinated effort with Trump allies and highlights his struggles to comprehend data, prompting concerns of potential fraud and obstruction.

Mixed results: A review by the Howard Center for Investigative Journalism reveals that the Phoenix Police Department's Community Advisory Boards to the Chief (CABs) provide little information on their activities or membership. Former board members express mixed reviews, with some criticizing the lack of transparency, while others believe in the value of the dialogue. The department's commitment to community trust and transparency is questioned as it faces a Department of Justice investigation into civil rights violations.

Transparency triumph: Conservative groups challenging Arizona's "dark money" disclosure law face a setback as a judge dismisses their lawsuit, but legal battles continue. According to the Arizona Mirror's Gloria Rebecca Gomez, Proposition 211, known as the Voters' Right to Know Act, seeks to eliminate anonymous political donations. While the recent ruling allows for a potential amended challenge, a federal-level effort and a path to the U.S. Supreme Court still looms. Advocates emphasize the importance of transparency in political spending to empower informed decision-making by the electorate.

Don't want your news "written" by a caffeine-deprived AI bot that thinks the "Java" in "JavaScript" is a type of coffee? Upgrade to a paid subscription today and let our human journalists do the job!³

Elections director resigns: Pinal County's elections director, Geraldine Roll, resigned amidst criticism and scrutiny to address election-related problems in the county. Unlike resignations prompted by false accusations in other jurisdictions, Roll's departure comes as a result of real challenges in Pinal County's elections, leading to pressure to quickly fix issues and hire a new team. Votebeat Arizona’s Jen Fifield reports on the circumstances surrounding Roll's resignation and the ongoing concerns about the county's elections.

Election efficiency boosted: Maricopa County supervisors unanimously reappointed Scott Jarrett as elections director, but this time it comes with a twist — a new boss. The organizational change aims to streamline operations and create some distance between Jarrett and the supervisors. Get the scoop from the Republic's Sasha Hupka on this appointment that promises improved efficiency in the county's election processes.

Ancestral connections unveiled: U.S. Rep. Andy Biggs and former Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick, along with 100 other American political leaders, have ancestors who were slaveholders, a Reuters report reveals. Biggs, a Republican from Arizona, traces his lineage to Robert Mosely, who enslaved 44 Black individuals, while Kirkpatrick, a Democrat who recently retired from Congress, is connected to William J. Kirkpatrick, a slaveholder of five individuals.

Residents petition against Bottled Blonde: Over 3,300 people have signed a petition urging the Gilbert Town Council to reconsider plans for a Bottled Blonde location in downtown Gilbert. Concerns about the bar's compatibility with the family-friendly character of the area and potential congestion have been raised, with opponents fearing it could diminish the town's values, Sara Crocker reports for Phoenix New Times.

Convention center to get boost: Phoenix City Council requests proposals from consultants to create an entertainment district around the convention center, aiming to attract more visitors and enhance competitiveness nationally. Taylor Seely from the Republic reports on the city's efforts to revitalize the area and boost economic impact through the development of a vibrant and walkable district.

Arizona to ease access to birth control: Arizona pharmacists will be able to dispense birth control pills, hormonal contraceptive vaginal rings and hormonal contraceptive patches without a prescription starting in July. While women will still need to answer questions from pharmacists to ensure the hormones are safe, the move aims to enhance accessibility and empower women in family planning decisions, according to Howard Fischer's report for the Arizona Daily Star.

Pelosi Joins the Party: Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will be a special guest at a virtual fundraiser for Democratic Rep. Ruben Gallego as he runs for the Arizona U.S. Senate seat currently held by Senator Kyrsten Sinema, NBC reports. While Pelosi has not officially endorsed Gallego, her involvement in the fundraiser is notable as Sinema, who registered as an independent last year, left the Democratic Party. The Arizona U.S. Senate race is crucial for both parties in determining control of the Senate in 2024.

Procedural errors lead to 150,000 Medicaid coverage drops in Arizona: More than 75% of the 150,000 individuals who have been removed from Arizona's Medicaid rolls this year were dropped due to procedural errors, according to the Arizona Health Care Cost Containment System (AHCCCS). The agency is urging current members to update their information and contact details to avoid losing coverage, as the wave of reductions continues, with concerns raised about the impact on children, Erin Murphy reports for Cronkite News.

1. However, upon looking for the Ledger’s “easy way out” piece, we found another post Mecia did nearly two years ago when AI language models were still in their infancy that was basically this exact same idea. Great non-artificial minds think alike! 

2. ChatGPT eventually caught on to what we were writing even though we didn’t use last names, and it warned us that it “won't be able to continue the story in that direction” because “creating a story that includes specific individuals and promoting harmful or negative actions towards them goes against OpenAI's use case policy.” This is pretty rich considering this entire passage is just ripping off Lake’s actual published book. 

3. Yes, ChatGPT wrote that pitch.