Sine Die Hard

Budget theater in three acts … We’re taking a post-session breather ... And see you next week!

Happy Monday, readers!

Or should we say — Happy Friday?

That’s because we’re not publishing the rest of this short July 4 week.

After a long and arduous legislative session that dragged waaaaaay past the 100-day mark, we’re letting the team slow down and work ahead this week.

We’ll still be working, but at a much slower pace and without the tyranny of daily publishing deadlines looming over us.

Taking these little breaks when the political cycle allows helps make up for the fact that our small but mighty team often ends up working 12-hour days during the busy months.

We’ll also take a longer break in August to allow the crew to take an actual vacation. That’s a little joy we afford ourselves during the non-election years.

Anyway, thanks for slogging through the 2025 legislative session with us! It was a doozy.

We’ll be back next week with more news — plus some breakdowns and analysis of what happened at the Capitol this year, what didn’t, and how your individual lawmakers stacked up.

Until then, please consider clicking the button to support paid vacations for independent local reporters.

We don’t have a union!

Good news, folks!

The government won’t shut down on Tuesday.

After a long and brain-draining budget battle, the state Legislature finally finalized a spending plan on Friday afternoon.

Gov. Katie Hobbs signed it and lawmakers adjourned for the year.¹

We’ve spent a lot of pixels over the last few months covering the slow-moving trainwreck of the state budget — explaining the players, the pieces and the process for you readers.

But we know it’s hard to truly grasp how this $17 billion battle plays out through a dozen newsletter editions (that you may or may not have read) spread out over six months.

We always say that politics is mostly theater. But this year’s budget process felt especially theatrical.

Which gave us a dumb idea.

What if we could turn our coverage of the budget process into a play?

So Hank fed a dozen budget-related editions of the Agenda to our theater intern, ChatGPT, and asked it to crank out some weird AI slop of a play.

The result was a big hit on the Agenda Slack channel.

We figured, what the heck? This wouldn’t be the dumbest edition we’ve ever published… Right?

Anyway, enjoy.

See you next week!

SINE DIE HARD: Arizona’s 2025 budget battle 🎭

A Play in Three Acts

By: The Arizona Agenda (Adapted for the stage by ChatGPT)

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ACT I — “The Starting Point”

SETTING: Arizona House Appropriations Committee, January 2025. Fluorescents buzz. A budget slideshow glows. No one’s looking at it

CAST:

• HOBBS (offstage, measured)

• LIVINGSTON (Appropriations Chair, big shutdown energy)

• GRESS (former Ducey budget czar, caffeinated and combative)

• ZYLLA (Hobbs’ budget staffer, bracing for impact)

• RIVERO (border-obsessed)

• LEACH (citizenship cop)

• GALLERY (press corps chorus)

Our art intern, ChatGPT, hired actors to play the parts. That’s why they don’t look like the politicians mentioned. Duh.

HOBBS (voiceover, steady)

This year’s budget trims vouchers, boosts child care, and puts a little something into housing. Nothing flashy. Just functional.

GALLERY (whispering, gossipy)

Translation: She’s trying to govern. Bold move.

LIVINGSTON (waving charts like warning flags)

This doesn’t add up. Come July 1, no budget? Lights out. Agencies shut. Chaos.

GRESS (pacing with a Red Bull in hand)

You didn’t project Medicaid growth. We’re driving blind. I’ve seen your spreadsheets.

ZYLLA (half-apologizing, gripping her notes like a lifeline)

We’re working off different numbers. People are talking.

GRESS (leaning in, voice raised)

You’re talking to me like I’m new here. I built this system.

RIVERO (smirking)

Ten million for the border? That’s cute.

LEACH (suspiciously, pointing at the slide)

Who gets this daycare money — citizens only, right?

GRESS (grinning like he’s got Zylla cornered)

And housing money — what, are we funding smugglers now?

GALLERY (in sync, deadpan)

They hated every slide. Every syllable. Every value. But it’s just Act I.

LIGHTS FADE.

Projected on screen: “Balanced budgets. Unbalanced lawmakers.”

END ACT I.

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ACT II — "The Leak"

SETTING: The Arizona House chamber. Lawmakers murmur. Phones buzz. Reporters circle. There's a sense that someone left the door open and chaos walked in.

CAST:

• GRESS (budget bomb-thrower)

• KAVANAGH (angry elder statesman)

• DE LOS SANTOS (resident wordsmith)

• MONTENEGRO (Speaker, cornered and cranky)

• LIVINGSTON (sleep-deprived fiscal martyr)

• PETERSEN (Senate Pres, texting from the back row)

• SUNDARESHAN (Senate Dem realist)

• HOBBS (offstage, veto-happy)

• DEMOCRATS (quietly strategic)

• GALLERY (press corps chorus)

GRESS (stepping up with a folder, theatrical)

The people demand transparency. So I bring you... the House Republican budget.

GALLERY (chorus, wide-eyed)

No one saw it coming. Not the Senate. Not the governor. Not even half the House.

GRESS (gesturing to the budget, smugly)

You'll find a little something for everyone. Election integrity money for counties we like. ICE gets a cool $1.7 million. For kitchen upgrades. Allegedly.

KAVANAGH (storming in, out of breath)

Wait—what is this?

GRESS (casual, condescending)

The budget, Senator. Hot off the copier. Smells like toner and limited oversight.

KAVANAGH (fuming)

I’ve been negotiating with the governor for three weeks. You didn’t think to—

GRESS (shrugging)

—Loop you in? No offense, John, but we’re “proceeding forward under the direction of the Speaker.”

DE LOS SANTOS (emerging from shadows, disgusted)

This isn’t a budget. It’s a hostage note written in Comic Sans.

GRESS (cheerfully, unapologetic)

Funny, we almost used Wingdings.

GALLERY (deadpan)

Democrats are furious. Senate Republicans are confused. Gress is booking flights to Italy.

HOBBS (voiceover, dry)

This House budget will immediately meet my veto pen.

MONTENEGRO (sullen, arms crossed)

Well maybe I didn’t like your tone. So I didn’t attend the meetings.

GALLERY (gleeful)

The House is now threatening a "continuation budget." It funds nothing new, fixes nothing old, and delays the inevitable.

MONTENEGRO (announcing proudly)

New budget plan! It's lean. It's clean. It’ll get vetoed immediately.

GALLERY (flat)

He’s not wrong. Hobbs already said no. Loudly.

LIVINGSTON (shaking, red-eyed, whispering to no one)

I’ve done my best. I haven’t slept. I gave you everything. This is all we can pass.

(beat)

We’re going to shut down if she vetoes it. But... I believe she’ll sign it.

GALLERY (in disbelief)

He cannot believe that.

DE LOS SANTOS (not objecting, arms crossed, tired)

Normally we’d block this. But honestly? Let’s get it over with.

PETERSEN (offstage, texting)

We’ll vote on the House plan. But don’t think we like it. This is just budget LARP.

GALLERY (shrugging)

The budget’s still dead. The shutdown’s still looming. But hey — they passed something.

HOBBS (voiceover, unimpressed)

Double veto. Go back to square one, suckers.

LIVINGSTON (proud, grinning, unhinged)

I did it! I set a record. You’re welcome, Arizona!

END ACT II.

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ACT III — "The Grownups Arrive Late"

SETTING: Senate chamber, dusk. House chamber, reluctant. A long week creaks to a close.

CAST:

• PETERSEN (Senate President, even-keeled)

• MONTENEGRO (Speaker, sidelined)

• LIVINGSTON (fiscal lifer, visibly aged)

• HERNANDEZ (sudden idealist)

• DE LOS SANTOS (principled but practical)

• KOLODIN (bombastic purist)

• SUNDARESHAN (Senate realist)

• HOBBS (offstage, veto finger holstered)

• GALLERY (press corps chorus)

PETERSEN (to the Senate, calm but firm)

We’ve negotiated a deal with the governor. It’s responsible. It’s balanced. It keeps the lights on. I’m not a RINO.

GALLERY (nodding)

The Senate passes the budget in a blur. Quiet. Efficient. Adults at the wheel.

MONTENEGRO (to House members, resigned)

It’s not our bill. But we have no better option.

LIVINGSTON (weary, rubbing temples)

We’ve been through two vetoes. A shutdown’s breathing down our neck. This is the offramp.

KOLODIN (throwing papers, yelling to no one)

This is capitulation! This budget funds the left! It funds the fentanyl crisis! It funds feelings!

HERNANDEZ (stepping forward, seething)

SB1070 money? I always vote for it, but not today. Shame on you Democrats.

DE LOS SANTOS (shrugging, tired)

Same. We hate it. But we vote for it every year.

SUNDARESHAN (under her breath, matter-of-fact)

I voted no. But I told my friends to vote yes. It’s the least worst choice.

GALLERY (unblinking)

The final tally: bipartisan votes on both sides. Hobbs’ budget passes the House. Then the Senate. Again.

HOBBS (voiceover, dry as sand)

Signed. Good luck next year.

GALLERY (closing line)

No veto. No drama. The government of Arizona continues to exist.

LIGHTS FADE.

Projected on screen:

“Arizona has always been okay.” — Montenegro

(citation very much needed)

CURTAIN.

1. At least, we hope they adjourned for the year. There’s already some talk of a potential special session to amend that budget, if the federal budget makes significant changes to the state’s finances.