It’s one of the unfortunate realities of our times that the Internet has become a real place, and that its parallel existence sometimes creeps into the physical realm.
Whenever possible, we prefer to avoid trudging through the knee-high muck of its swampy domain and spend our time doing things that are generally considered enjoyable, like going outside, talking a walk, reading a book, touching grass, or having a nice conversation with a person who has a solid understanding of empathy.
But sometimes — today, for instance — we simply can’t avoid it, and we have Arizona’s very own right-wing Internet investigator extraordinaire (and self-proclaimed journalist) Rachel Alexander to thank for that.
Over the weekend, users of the web got to see Alexander put her inquisitive powers to good use in another obsessive attempt to find out who’s running some of Arizona Twitter’s most popular anonymous accounts.
But boasting about her new findings just came off like Charlie Day’s conspiracy board in “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”
One of the things that makes social media such an unpleasant place is the fact that its algorithms reward the loudest, most outrageous personalities with the most attention.
This case is another fine example of that axiom.
On Friday, Alexander told her approximately 140,000 followers on Twitter that she had brain-blasted her way into a new discovery linking pseudonymous accounts William Coffin and Clue Heywood.
The two accounts’ content are very different. Coffin posts public records like bankruptcy filings and court case information to shine a light on the hypocrisy of public officials or influencers — who are usually Republicans, Coffin told us in an interview — while Heywood has gained popularity for just being a jokester.
But Alexander believes the two accounts must be run by the same person… because in two posts shared seven years apart, the two made references to Scooby-Doo.
BOOM. That’s some serious sleuthing.
Here are the two tweets in question:
“Welp. Figured out another person behind the most notorious leftist troll account in Arizona, who spreads lies about Arizona conservatives all day long,” Alexander tweeted. “Too stupid to avoid using the same language. Lawyer up.”
It’s still unclear, though, who exactly that friendly advice is aimed at, as Alexander is casting a wide net of accusations at all of her social media enemies.
In another tweet, she claimed that ABC15 reporter Garrett Archer, Phoenix lawyer Tom Ryan and Heywood (whose identity is unknown, despite Alexander referencing him as if his name were a real one) are all behind the Coffin account.
And they’re all being funded by billionaire boogeyman George Soros, obviously.
About half an hour later, she cited the fact that both accounts made reference to Las Vegas concert venue The Sphere as further evidence that they’re run by the same person.
And somehow, Republican and former Maricopa County Recorder Stephen Richer is also involved, per Alexander, who is “gathering evidence” about this.
So, we’re supposed to believe that everyone Alexander doesn’t like has managed to team up and run a network of Twitter accounts?
It’s safe to say that we remain skeptical. But we look forward to any bit of concrete evidence being put on the table that uncovers this complex conspiratorial network.
Chronically online right-wing provocateurs have had some trouble identifying their anonymous critics as of late. The Republic’s Ray Stern reported in May that, via a lawsuit, Republican Rep. Rachel Keshel is accusing Scottsdale man Geoff Coffin of running the William Coffin account that’s questioned whether she actually lives in the district she represents.
But Geoff says she has the wrong guy.
"I decided that I better get a lawyer because I don't know what the hell's going on and I don't really know how to defend myself," Geoff Coffin told the Republic. "I'm just wondering if, that after this is all over, do I have any recourse to get any of my time and money back?”
Like Keshel, Alexander is raging against the Coffin-Soros machine because he posted less-than-flattering (but publicly available) information about her.
Alexander was arrested and accused of driving under the influence, notching a BAC of .230 — almost three times the legal limit. During her arrest, Scottsdale officers noted she tried to namedrop Maricopa County Sheriff Jerry Sheridan to get out of the arrest, but, in a drunken stupor, referred to him as “Sherry Jeridan.”
Coffin noted that Alexander, while awaiting trial for that incident, managed to get another ticket for speeding in Phoenix.
We’re eagerly awaiting more posts so that we can understand the complicated and corrupt network of Scottsdale and Phoenix cops, Sherry Jeridan, and Soros that’s sinisterly working to keep Alexander down and distract her from gloriously exposing all those left-wing radicals who are ruining our beautiful country.
It’s alive!: Democratic Sen. Ruben Gallego invoked Frankenstein’s monster as he called for Congress to “meet the moment” and come up with a plan to rein in AI. He didn’t have a specific plan in mind, but he told CNN the first step is getting smart people in the same room to come up with one.
“Previous tech could not make the decision to kill us, right? When you turned on the internet, it did not have autonomy, right? When we created a nuclear weapon, the nuclear weapon did not have the decision-making power to drop a nuclear weapon. AI has the capability and will have the capability to make a decision like that,” Gallego said. “This is more akin to Dr. Frankenstein telling us ‘the monster’s loose, help me stop the monster.’”
Quiet, the boss is gonna hear: Republican congressional candidate Jay Feely put out a three-minute video lauding his “bonus” son Wedner Delmonte’s journey from struggling on the streets in Haiti to living the American Dream with Feely’s family. The uplifting music that swells to a crescendo in Feely’s video is enough to bring a tear to your eye. Meanwhile, the Trump administration just revoked protections for hundreds of thousands of Haitians living legally in the U.S. and federal immigration agents are rounding up Haitians in Springfield, Ohio, the town President Donald Trump and Vice President J.D. Vance spread lies about during the 2024 campaign.
Losing coverage: About 34,000 legally present immigrants in Arizona could lose Medicaid coverage in the coming weeks as new eligibility rules in H.R. 1 take effect, KJZZ’s Katherine Davis-Young reports. Starting in October, most refugees and asylees will no longer qualify for full AHCCCS benefits, though the agency says some people who received notices may remain eligible after updating their immigration status.
Light one up for the kids: After voters approved an 80-cent-per-pack cigarette tax in 2006 to fund early childhood programs, Arizonans aren’t smoking enough to keep the money flowing, Capitol scribe Howie Fischer reports. Now, First Things First — the group distributing the funding — wants lawmakers to tax vaping products too. The group argues it’s not a new tax, but instead fulfills voters’ original intent of taxing tobacco products in 2006, before vapes were widely available. A similar effort failed last year, and because Arizona generally requires a two-thirds legislative vote to raise taxes, the proposal faces a steep climb.
Voucher truce, anyone?: The American Federation for Children, a national school choice group that helped negotiate a failed end-of-session deal to keep voucher reform off November’s ballot, is urging lawmakers to adopt modest ESA reforms while preserving universal eligibility, the Capitol Times’ Jakob Thorington reports. In an August memo, AFC called the Protect Education Act’s defeat a “narrow escape” and criticized “ideologues” who treated the initiative’s signature failure as vindication for opposing any ESA changes.
A study of each state’s Reddit page ranked Arizona as the least foul-mouthed state in America, the Phoenix New Times’ Morgan Fischer writes.
The New Times called the last-place ranking “bullshit,” and we agree.
So, in protest — and keeping with our political theme here at the Agenda — we present three of our favorite moments of Arizona political profanity, in no particular order:
When Republican Rep. Alexander Kolodin responded to multiple Twitter critics “blow me.”
Earlier this year, deep into an especially long final night of the legislative session, when Democratic Rep. Cesar Aguilar got gaveled down for saying “fuck is that?”
Former U.S. Sen. Kyrsten Sinema’s notorious “fuck off” ring.
Drop your favorite political profanity moment in the comments.